Back working in London today – had to go into The City to sort out a problem that was of my making. Working on the principle of ‘you break it, you fix it’, I bit the bullet and traipsed up again to get things working.
The Circle line was severely delayed for a change. Normally it’s just delayed, especially if I hit Paddington just after 9:00am which is when most Circle line trains vanish like snuff at a wake, but today was a ‘severe delay’ day. The upshot was a very, very full train when it did turn up – one of those situations where you need white-gloved pushers to get the bodies into the impossibly small space. All was as well as could be until we hit Gloucester Road, where the doors opened and an oriental looking gentleman bumped against another passenger, knocking him out of the tube onto the platform.
“Why did you fucking push me, you fucker?”
Came the immediate enquiry.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just too crowded”
was the truthful response. This was obviously no excuse, since pushee insisted on pressing the issue, and indeed pressing the alleged pusher back into the over full carriage. All was merely scuffles for about 10 seconds until pushee decided to bring out the big guns…
“Howwwwarch…..SPIT!”
A large spray hit the pusher squarely in the face. The collateral damage was about 4 people who couldn’t move away who just got the spray of delivery. A lovely spitting match then continued until both mouths were dry and only capable of toddler style ejaculations. The whole sorry affair came to an end when the ‘beep beep beep’ signaled the closing of the doors and the pushee was finally given one last push out of the carriage, left to bang angrily on the doors to be let back in.
Yeah, right.
I caught the eye of a prematurely greying thirtysomething media type and we both smiled and shrugged. “London, eh?”. Then I started whistling, quite quietly, Eric and Ernie’s “Bring me Sunshine”, for no good reason except to cheer myself up after that little exhibition. And maybe be a bit ironic or something.
I managed to get a few smiles, then stopped when I realised it was a bit too loud. Luckily, everyone who heard me got off soon after, and I didn’t add myself to the list of weirdos on that particular train.
Working from home tomorrow. I feel I deserve it.